Letters
by icedintheveins
Summary: Kurt finds a notebook of Blaine's that full of letters. And they're all addressed to him. Klaine. One-shot.


It's one of the last days of summer before they go back to school, and Kurt lounges in Blaine's room, waiting for him to return with his nerdy movies for their marathon. They wanted to do something outside, but the rain slashing against the windows prevents them.

Kurt sighs, pushing himself up from Blaine's bed and crossing over to his desk.

The geek he is, Blaine's already got all his school supplies lined up and ready to be packed into his school bag. Kurt's fingers graze over new pencils and loose leaf paper. He picks up a notebook, flipping through the pages.

His eyes furrow as he realizes this isn't new – but filled with words all written in Blaine's handwriting.

His curiosity gets the better of him and he looks back, checking the closed door and then returns to Blaine's bed, opening up to the first page.

His heart stops for a moment, because there at the top of the page is his name.

Instantly, he begins reading.

.

_Kurt, _

_I've never really kept a diary before, so I'm doing something odd. I'm writing you letters, but I don't plan on sending them. I just need to get my thoughts out, because ever since I met you, you've changed me. You just sort of . . get me, and I appreciate having someone like you in my life. You're an amazing friend._

_._

So this whole thing, this completely-filled notebook is letters all addressed to him, never meant to be read by his eyes?

He chokes up a little, fingers caressing the worn pages, and he knows he probably shouldn't but he goes on, his heart constricting with happiness as he does so.

.

_Kurt, _

_Today we went out for coffee, like we always do, and I've sort of come to realize that simply being around you makes me happier. Seeing your face, hearing your voice, or just being in your presence. I just feel so calm and relaxed. We didn't talk much today, because we've both had really crappy days. I don't know about you, but I didn't really want to ruin the time we had together by complaining about tests and stupid stuff that hardly matters compared to your problems. You looked a little nervous today, so I reached out and patted your hand. You smiled and seemed to forget everything for a moment. And even though we didn't share much verbally, I think we connected mentally and emotionally. I like when we just sit around sometimes. I feel at ease with you , no matter what we're doing. And I've never really had that before, so thanks. _

_._

_Kurt,_

_Today my heart broke a little bit._

_You called me in tears, and your sadness instantly became mine. You're so sweet and wonderful, and I hate knowing that you have to deal with crap like this. You told me what Karofsky said, and I swear, a surge of anger like I've never felt went through me. I just hope you know how much you're worth. You also thought I'd be angry about you coming to Dalton, that I'd think you were a coward or something. Kurt, I could never think that. You're so incredibly brave, and I'll be eternally jealous of that quality in you. And truthfully, I'm excited for you to come here. I want to see you more, and I just really hope you like it._

_._

_Kurt,_

_Today you arrived at Dalton. I know Warblers' practice didn't go the way you hoped, but I'm sure everyone will warm up to you quickly. You're so funny, and full of great ideas – I just know that Thad, David, and Wes will come around eventually. I don't know why they wouldn't like you. I also told you about auditions for Sectionals, and though I know it's likely you won't get a solo, the other part of me really wishes you would. I would love to share the stage with you._

_._

_Kurt, _

_Today we sang a duet. It was the most fun I've had in a long time. I've heard you sing, but damn, I guess I never quite realized just how beautiful you're voice is. You have such a range, and your harmonies were fantastic. I'm really going to miss you over break, and I just hope we can get together at least once._

_._

_Kurt,_

_Today I made a fool out of myself. I can't believe I really thought Jeremiah and I had something special. I guess he's just not the right guy. It kind of stings, but I mean, I'm starting to deal with it._

_And one more thing – today you told me you thought I was going to ask you out. I could hardly believe I've been so oblivious. I see now how it seems that I was flirting with you, but honestly, I just feel really close to you. I like you, I really do and I feel so much in regards to our relationship. Romantically? I'm not quite sure. I love being your friend, but I just don't know if I want to risk it to try out dating. I don't know. I just hope you know how much I do care about you, and I hope it's good enough._

_._

_Kurt,_

_Today – well, this week I really fucked up. I don't know what made me think that I liked Rachel, or any girls for that matter. Though I suppose, like you said, it was the alcohol. I caused us to have our first fight, and God do I regret it. I was stupid and harsh, and I don't blame you for overreacting. When we met, I came off as confident – like I had everything figured out. And I know we're honest with each other, but there's still so much you don't know about me, and so much I'm not ready for you to know. I guess all I can say is that I'm broken – more so than you'd ever believe. But this whole mess was for nothing, because what a shocker – I'm one hundred percent gay. Like I hadn't figured that out already . . I guess I'm just really stupid sometimes, and I really, really hope we'll be able to work this out and put it all behind us, because I don't know how I'd deal if we weren't friends anymore._

_._

_Kurt, _

_I'm worried about you. I know that sex is something uncomfortable for you to think or talk about, but I really don't want you to get hurt. I want you to know, I want you to be educated, and obviously you're not going to let me help. So I talked to your dad. I hope you won't be mad at me if he tells you I did it. I'm just scared that you'll be taken advantage of, or that you'll get an STD, or raped – something awful like that. I wouldn't be able to stand it if any of that happened to you._

_Also - I'm really jealous of your relationship with your father. Another thing you don't know about me is my father doesn't approve of my sexuality. It is hard, but we've simply learned to deal with one another. It sucks sometimes, but I always try to think of the good things to get through._

_I wonder if I'll ever be able to admit all this to you._

_._

_Kurt,_

_Today was an important day._

_Today, I fell in love with you._

_I don't know why it took me so long to realize it, but I think I've loved you for a long time now. It's just – when you were singing that song, and just being your dramatic self in front of the Warblers, nothing holding you back – it was like a spark went off. Suddenly the room was so much brighter, and my heart did this weird little inflation inside my chest, my stomach filled with butterflies, and I just realized how beautiful you are. And all the qualities I already admired in you – your compassion, your creativity, your loyalty, even your snarkiness – they became so much more obvious, and I began to appreciate them so much more. There's a lot I could describe in regards to what I love about you. Like your soft, silky hair, and your long, thin fingers, and your cute button nose, and your sparkling, green/grey/blue eyes, and your gorgeous, gorgeous voice, but I would be writing forever. I don't even know how to put what I'm feeling into words right now._

_I just – I really do love you._

_And I hope one day I have the guts to tell you._

_._

_Kurt,_

_Today I convinced the council to let us sing a duet together at Regionals, and I watched the way your face lit up, and I just couldn't keep from smiling. I don't think I've ever felt this nervous about something though. And it's not the performing – it's the fact that we'll be practicing together all the time, and all the while I'll be just wishing to tell you how I feel, even though I have no idea how to say it. I know everyone else can tell how much I've fallen for you, and I just wish you could realize it too. _

_._

_Dearest Kurt,_

_I didn't think I'd ever be able to do this in a million years, let alone so soon._

_Today, I found you alone in the commons, decorating Pav's casket. It was one of the most adorable sites I've ever seen. I told you that I thought we should get practicing the duet, and you were surprised by my song choice. I told you that I wanted something emotional, because I knew with you it'd be much easier to do something like that. You were suspicious – it was easy to see. And then you asked me the inevitable – why had I picked you as my duet partner._

_Wasn't it obvious, Kurt?_

_I told you. Today, I told you. I told how I fell completely head-over-heels in love with you. How it all hit me like a tidal wave, and how I just suddenly realized that you were there – and hey, I love you._

_And then it just happened._

_I don't know what came over me, but I desperately wanted to try. I wanted it so bad, Kurt. I leaned in, and thankfully so did you. I couldn't describe to you everything I felt in that moment, because it was everything I've ever wanted finally coming true, and I couldn't believe that it was happening. I couldn't believe that you felt that same way. And that I somehow had the guts to kiss you._

_The kiss? Oh, God it was wonderful. I hate to sound like such a teenage boy, but my Lord are you a good kisser. You did this little thing with your tongue, and it just melted me and sent shivers up my spine all at once._

_And when we pulled away, I said that we should probably start practicing because my heart was racing a thousand miles an hour and I thought that it might explode, but you replied with a sly, "I thought we already were," and we were kissing again. Let's just say the second kiss was a quite lot better than the first._

_And now thinking about this is making my stomach do nervous little flip-flops because I still can't get used to it._

_We're boyfriends now._

_._

_Dearest Kurt,_

_Today, you transferred back to McKinley. The Warblers and I sang you a goodbye song, and I basically cried like a little girl. It's hard – because I won't be able to see you in classes anymore. I won't be able to joke about Mr. Peterson's ugly sweaters anymore with you. We won't get to hold hands in the hallways anymore. I won't get to see you at Warblers practice. It hurts, but I have to let you go, because I know how much your friends mean to you, and I know how happy you are there. And Kurt, all I ever care about is your happiness._

_._

_Dearest Kurt,_

_Today you asked me to your Junior Prom. I was hesitant at first, because well, like I told you, I've had some very bad experiences in the past. I don't think you ever thought that the bullying I ran away from was actually really violent. The look on your face when I told you was clue enough. It's strange sharing these things with someone else, but I love you and I trust you, and I'm starting to grow a lot more comfortable than I already was around you. I wonder how long it will be until you know everything I'm still hiding._

_._

_Dearest Kurt,_

_Today, my heart broke for you again._

_We went to prom, and we thought we'd have so much fun. We thought that nobody would bother us, and boy, were we wrong. You got voted Prom Queen as a joke, and ran out crying. Instantly, my heart shattered, and I chased after you, just begging that you would stop so I could talk to you, convince you that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. You were adamant however, and saw right past me. I let you vent and pace around, telling you that I was okay with whatever decision you made. In the end you chose to go back in there and face everyone. I knew you would, because like I've said before – you're one of the bravest people I've ever met. And I couldn't have been more proud of you._

_In the end, we got our slow dance, and the smile on your face – it was the biggest I've ever seen it be. And it made my heart squeeze knowing that it was because of me. You're beautiful when you're happy, did you know that? _

_I love you so much, Kurt._

_._

_Dearest Kurt,_

_Today was another big day._

_Today, I told you I love you. It just sort of slipped out, because I've been thinking it all the time for awhile now. It's so obvious to me, but I guess I didn't realize we'd never said it out loud. You were taken by surprise for a moment, but you didn't hesitate to tell me you loved me back, and my heart almost stopped when you said it._

_I think I'll be saying it a lot more often now, just so you know._

_I love you._

_._

_._

_Dearest Kurt, _

_Today was the first day of summer vacation, and it was so amazing to spend it with you. We went rollerblading, and you fell more than once, but I made sure to bandage you up. You're so adorable when you're frustrated. We also had a picnic in the park, and you complained the whole time about ants crawling on you, but I didn't really care because all I could think about was how cute you were._

_I'm really looking forward to a summer full of these dates._

_._

Most of the next pages are all the same – filled with Blaine's descriptions of the days they spent together throughout this summer, and Kurt feels the tears flowing steadily down his face as he reads Blaine's inner thoughts about everything.

Honestly?

Blaine really thinks all of this?

Somehow, Kurt can't wrap his head around it. He knew obviously that his boyfriend loved him, but this – to this extent? All these thoughts and descriptions – it's odd to read, because Kurt never imagined anyone liking the stuff Blaine does about him. He never imagined anyone to care this much. He never imagined he'd ever find anyone like this, and it's almost painful to think about – but in a good way.

His heart is still racing, tight and swollen in his chest. He can't get enough breath into his lungs, and it's hard to see through his joyful tears.

The door to Blaine's bedroom suddenly swings open, and Kurt looks up at his boyfriend, wide eyes wet and vulnerable.

"Kurt, what's wrong?" Blaine asks anxiously, dropping the DVDs on his desk and rushing forward.

Kurt hands up the notebook wordlessly, and Blaine takes it, his cheeks turning a dark shade of red as he sees what it is.

"Kurt, I – I – "

"Blaine, stop," Kurt says. "I love you. So _so_ much, and I just – I don't know what I can say. I don't know how to say it, but you can guess how touched and happy I am by these seemingly endless tears." He laughs slightly, wiping his eyes.

He stands up, and wraps a careful arm around Blaine's waist, pulling him in for a quick, passionate kiss.

"So – so um . . what do you think?" Blaine asks.

"About the notebook?"

"Well, yes, but– but mostly the latest entry," Blaine says, eyes flicking nervously away from his boyfriend's gaze.

"Oh, I – I didn't quite finish," Kurt admits, sniffling.

Blaine hands the notebook back to him. "Read it," he says, smiling.

Kurt takes it, giving him a questioning look before reading on.

_Dearest Kurt, _

_Today I made a big decision._

_Today, I decided to transfer to McKinley. Spending the summer with you, it's made me realize how much Dalton has caged me. My friends, my mom, my family – they've all taken notice of how being your boyfriend has changed me. And it's a good thing. I'm scared – I'm not afraid to admit it. You know how bad my bullying escalated, and there's always going to be a part of me that fears that happening again, but I just think with you by my side, I might make it. I really want to do this, not only for us, but also for me. I need to do this. I need to move on with my life, and I need to make a fresh start. I don't want to be the scared boyfriend all the time. I want to be able to take you out and not be afraid of what people will say about us. You've heard it before, but I really admire how proud you are of yourself, how you're not afraid to let everyone know you're different. That's not something I'm good at, so I need you to teach me. And I think the first step is going back to public school and showing everyone how much I love being your boyfriend._

_I love you._

Kurt can't help the gasp that leaves his lips, and his head shoots up as soon as he's done, tears coming fast all over again.

"Are you serious?" Kurt asks, his voice taking on a squealing quality.

Blaine nods, and then Kurt throws himself forward again, clutching to Blaine tightly.

"Blaine, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you . . " Kurt mutters over and over, and Blaine thinks that maybe he should actually start sending these letters.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So this idea was actually sent as prompt for my drabble series, _Set This Ballroom Aglow_, but I started writing, and it turned out a bit longer than a drabble..

Review please, especially if you favorite. (:


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